


Messy

by artist_artists



Category: Glee
Genre: Future Fic, Homelessness, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-20
Updated: 2013-10-20
Packaged: 2017-12-29 23:34:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1011406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artist_artists/pseuds/artist_artists
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Three months into a relationship with Sebastian, Kurt finds out some shocking news. Homelesss!Sebastian. Not an AU, just a fic that takes place a few years in the future.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Messy

**Author's Note:**

> Unbetaed, my apologies. This was just an exercise to help me with writer's block. The homelessness trope makes me uncomfortable, generally, so I challenged myself to think about why that is, and to try and write something that wouldn't make me uncomfortable. If nothing else, it made me think about my strange desire to always have perfect love stories with happy endings for everyone in every way when I write, even though I know real life isn't always like that and people have to sometimes make do with that they have, and that's totally okay. 
> 
> For those of you concerned, this fic mentions Blaine once in passing, not in a negative way at all. It doesn't delve into any reasons why Kurt and Blaine are not together anymore. I really just wanted to write some Kurtbastian because I know a ton of you follow me for that and are probably wondering why I haven't written anything with them in about ten million years. I hope you guys enjoy!

It takes three months for Kurt to find out.

Three months of kissing Sebastian, fooling around, playing at a relationship. They have fun together, but it’s not serious. It was never meant to be serious, anyway. Sometimes, Kurt feels like it is, like it could be. Or could have been, at least, in an alternate universe where they didn’t meet in high school, or one where Sebastian had learned more impulse control in his younger years. He’s easier for Kurt to deal with now than he ever was in high school, but Kurt suspects that’s only because he’s decided to let Kurt stay on his good side. Sebastian might have matured a little - he’s living on his own and working for a living after dropping out of college, which has dulled the sharpest edges of his condescension, but he’s still a hurricane of destruction toward people he doesn’t like, still brash, insensitive, and manipulative. Kurt has considered calling things off at least a dozen times, but then he remembers how hard Sebastian can make him laugh with his off-color commentary, how safe Sebastian can make him feel when he stays the night at Kurt’s apartment, holding him close. They don’t have a name for what they are, don’t call each other boyfriends or partners or lovers, but even without a label, even when they avoid discussions about it, it’s still important. In a relationship that Kurt finds refreshing for its honesty, this is the one thing he can’t bring himself to discuss. The most important thing to be honest about, but it’s just bubbling up under the surface, the worry and doubt and wonder of what this is, where it’s going, when it will end. Kurt’s never been involved in a relationship so messy.

The night Kurt finds out isn’t much different than any other. It’s almost eight and they both have things to do early in the morning, and Kurt still has a paper to finish, and Sebastian never stays over unless they’re already in bed and he doesn’t feel like getting up to go home. Tonight, all they’ve done is watch TV and eat takeout on the couch, but Kurt can’t have the distraction much longer if he wants to get his work done and be awake at a decent hour. He’s blunt about it, because that’s how they are with things like this that don’t really matter. For the first time, Sebastian doesn’t go quietly.

“Kicking me out so early?” he asks, smirking.

“It’s Thursday,” Kurt reminds him. Sebastian never stays over on Thursdays.

Sebastian rolls his eyes. “Well, excuse me for wanting to change up our little schedule.”

“We can change our schedule when my schedule changes. I have work to do, and if you stay I’ll be distracted.”

“We’ll go to bed right now and never get back up.”

“Exactly,” Kurt says, biting his lip to hide a smile. “So go home and do something productive, and we’ll hang out tomorrow night.”

“Are you saying fucking you isn’t productive? I’d have to disagree, Kurt.”

“I’m saying go home.”

But Sebastian only leans back against the couch, worrying his bottom lip a bit. “What if I leave you alone?”

Kurt frowns, unnerved by Sebastian’s shift in tactic. “Then why bother staying here? Also, I don’t even think you’re capable of leaving me alone.”

“You underestimate me,” Sebastian replies. He pauses before speaking again. “I don’t really have a place to stay tonight.”

“Oh,” Kurt says, surprised. “Um. Okay. Is something wrong with your apartment?”

Sebastian doesn’t respond right away. Trying to come up with a good lie, maybe, but it’s uncharacteristic of him, to lie about something like this to Kurt.

“Did you get into a fight with your roommate?” Kurt prompts.

Sebastian lets out a heavy sigh, and Kurt knows what’s coming is going to be important. “I don’t really have a roommate.”

“You lied about that?”

“I never called Jackie my roommate,” Sebastian says. “She’s just a person I’ve been staying with a lot lately.”

“Okay,” Kurt says slowly, trying to work out what Sebastian’s getting at. “Are you telling me you’re secretly into girls and you and Jackie are having an affair?”

Sebastian lets out a startled laugh. “God, no.” He takes a deep breath and meets Kurt’s eye. “I don’t really have an apartment of my own, so I stay with her a lot. But her asshole boyfriend just moved in, and he picked a fight with me last night, so I’m sort of banished for a little while. Or forever, I don’t know. I’m optimistic, though.”

It’s a lot of information to take in. “You… don’t really have an apartment of your own? What does that mean?”

“Exactly what it sounds like,” Sebastian says. “I can usually find someone else to stay with when Jackie kicks me out, but tonight everyone has an excuse.”

Kurt’s quiet for a moment. “You don’t live with Jackie,” he says. “You don’t live anywhere.”

“That’s what I said.” Sebastian’s starting to sound annoyed, like Kurt’s the one making this difficult.

“You’re homeless.”

Sebastian scrunches up his face in disgust. “I’m not _homeless._ I’m between homes.”

“That’s called homeless, Sebastian!” Kurt says, his voice going higher. He knows that homeless isn’t always the people sleeping on cardboard boxes on the sidewalk, begging for spare change. Homelessness looks different than that, too, can look like Sam and his family forced into a cheap motel after they lost their house, or like Pam from the diner who lived out of her car when she got evicted. “How long have you been homeless?”

“Well, after I left school I couldn’t exactly live in the dorms anymore.”

“You… you haven’t… you dropped out of school over a year ago! Have you seriously been homeless for a year?”

“It’s not like I’m living on the streets, Kurt. I’ve just been staying with people.”

Kurt shakes his head slowly, trying to gather his thoughts. “But… why?”

“Well, that’s a stupid question. To avoid living on the streets.”

“No, I mean… why can’t you just get an apartment? Find some roommates and--”

“Wow, Kurt, you really _are_ a genius!” Sebastian says in a mocking tone. “If only I’d thought of that! Look, I don’t really want to talk about this, so if you’re not going to let me stay, then I’ll just go.”

Kurt’s horrified by the suggestion. “Of course I’m going to let you stay! You don’t have anywhere to go!”

Sebastian sighs. “Is there a way I can get you to not act like this is a big deal? Because it’s really not.”

“You being homeless isn’t a big deal?” Kurt asks. “You _lying_ about being homeless isn’t a big deal?”

“I told you, I didn’t lie!”

“A lie of omission is still a lie!” It’s a lie, a lot of lies, about such basic things. Kurt had thought they were honest with each other, but if Sebastian’s been lying about this, what else has been a lie? What else has Kurt misinterpreted?

“Yeah, how crazy of me to not want to bring this up, since you’re acting so calm and rational about it,” Sebastian replies. “Look, it doesn’t actually change anything.”

Kurt’s eyes widen in disbelief. “How can you say that? This changes _everything_.”

“Because I asked if I could stay here tonight? Get a grip, Kurt, this isn’t--”

“It’s not about tonight!” Kurt cries, and he’s starting to get choked up, the hurt and anger and fear and confusion getting the best of him. He’s so glad Rachel and Santana are out at the moment, not here to witness this embarrassing reveal. “It’s about every other night that I thought you wanted to stay here because of me, but just needed a place to stay because no one else could stand to put up with you!”

There’s a flash of hurt that crosses Sebastian’s eyes before he schools his expression into something cold and distant, but Kurt tries not to feel guilty. He shouldn’t, not as his face is hot from the shame of learning the truth. Sebastian’s been manipulating him, too, as expertly as he manipulates everyone else. God, and Kurt had been stupid enough to buy into it when he should have known better. He’s the most gullible of them all, being roped into a long con by Sebastian’s smile and wit and touch. Kurt feels like he might be sick.

It takes him a minute to realize that Sebastian’s gotten up from the couch and grabbed his bag. That bag, that stupid backpack that Kurt hates that Sebastian carries around everywhere, filled with his laptop and some clothes and a toothbrush. Sebastian had always made it into a joke about how many people he slept with when Kurt asked, saying he never knew who and where he’d end up with that night. The thought that maybe all of Sebastian’s possessions are in that bag turns Kurt’s stomach even more.

“Where are you going?” he manages to ask before Sebastian reaches the front door. Sebastian doesn’t have an answer for him, so Kurt continues, trying to swallow down his pride and keep his voice even. “You’re staying here tonight.”

Sebastian lets out a humorless laugh. “Oh, yes, I feel _so_ welcome right now.”

“You just said you don’t have anywhere else to go!” He can’t imagine having Sebastian in his apartment all night after this, but he can’t imagine sending him off with no place to go, either. It’s not warm outside, and it’s been raining off and on all day.

“I’ll figure something out. Better than dealing with this drama queen bullshit all night.”

“Oh, fuck you, Sebastian, you’ve been lying to me for months, I’m allowed to be upset. It doesn’t mean I’m going to kick you out. I’m not heartless.”

Sebastian’s eyes are trained on the door, his body tense, but after a minute, he sighs and turns back toward Kurt, letting his bag slip off his shoulder.

“You have to leave me alone, though,” Kurt says, because no matter the shambles his personal life is in, he really does need to finish this paper. “You can go into my room.”

“Room is such a strong word for a curtained off area,” Sebastian quips, but Kurt doesn’t humor him. “I’ll sleep out here, you won’t even notice me.”

“You can’t sleep out here, because then Rachel and Santana will see you and wonder what’s going on.” He will probably tell them what happened eventually, but he’s really not interested in rehashing this conversation tonight, when he still doesn’t understand everything himself. “Just… go into my room, okay? I’ll do my work out here, and then you can leave in the morning, and…” Kurt trails off. He can’t think about the end of that sentence right now.

Sebastian looks to the door again, like he’s wondering if this is worth it, but it’s only a few seconds before he’s dragging his bag toward Kurt’s bedroom. Sebastian so rarely gives in to anyone, and Kurt’s never seen him look this defeated.

It takes Kurt hours to finish the paper, and he knows it’s far from his best work, but it’s hard to stay focused. As his anger starts to fade, his mind fills with questions about Sebastian. How did things get this way? How did a rich boy become homeless in New York, and how had Kurt never put the pieces together? He’d thought it was weird when he ran into Sebastian for the first time since high school at Whole Foods, standing behind the register and ringing up Kurt’s purchases, but Kurt had gotten over that quickly enough. Sebastian hadn’t finished college and had no experience, so it made sense that he’d be working at a store. Kurt had just assumed his parents were helping to support him, but he’d never thought about it too much. Where Sebastian lived had never been a concern to him, because he was never invited over. Kurt had assumed this was because of Jackie’s boyfriend and he’d never complained, because meeting that guy was not something he really cared to do.

By the time Kurt heads to bed, it’s after midnight. Rachel and Santana have already come home and retreated to their rooms, satisfied by Kurt’s insistence that nothing was wrong except his unfinished paper. Kurt can see from the living room area that his bedside lamp is still turned on behind the curtain, but Kurt hasn’t heard a sound from that direction in hours, and he’s hoping Sebastian’s asleep.. He’s not sure he’s prepared to talk more about this tonight.

He takes his time in the bathroom, moving slowly through his nighttime skin regimen, but it doesn’t matter. Sebastian’s in bed, but his eyes are wide open when Kurt pulls back the curtain. Kurt doesn’t meet his gaze as he changes into his pajamas, doesn’t ask if it’s okay before turning off the lamp as he crawls into bed, trying to keep as much distance between them as possible.

Through it all, Sebastian doesn’t say a word.

It’s unnerving. Sebastian isn’t quiet or shy or easily shamed. Kurt had expected him to be waiting and ready with more excuses, and it doesn’t take long before the silence starts to get to him.

“You owe me an explanation,” Kurt says to the ceiling when he can’t wait any longer.

He can hear Sebastian shift slightly on the bed, turning toward him. The noise is quiet, gentle, but Sebastian’s voice is harsh. “I don’t owe you shit.”

Kurt turns his gaze toward Sebastian, anger spiking again. “You don’t owe me anything? After manipulating me for _months_ , letting me think that we were in some sort of relationship, just--”

“You’re an asshole if you think that’s true,” Sebastian interrupts. “I’m not using you. That’s just idiotic. If I wanted to trick you into giving me a place to stay, I would have told you the day I met you that I was homeless. Your bleeding heart would have invited me to live here rent-free until I got everything figured out. Stop taking this so personally. It has nothing to do with you.”

Kurt can’t think of an argument, because Sebastian’s right. If he’d told Kurt that very first day about his situation, Kurt probably would have let him stay at the loft, no questions asked. “I just don’t understand why you’d keep this a secret.”

“Seriously?” Sebastian asks. “You think it’s fun to talk about?”

“I guess it wouldn’t be, no. Who else knows?”

“Just Jackie.”

“How can she kick you out when she knows you have nowhere to go?”

“I usually can find somewhere to go,” Sebastian says. “And it’s not her fault. Her apartment’s the size of a closet, and with her boyfriend spending so much time there, there’s hardly room for all of us to breathe. It’s not like I can complain. I’m not giving her any money, and she lets me stay there most of the time and use her address on job applications and stuff.”

Kurt’s quiet for a moment, trying to think of a tactful way to phrase his next question, but it seems like a lost cause. “Why don’t you have any money?”

“I work 30 hours a week for $10 an hour and I live in New York,” Sebastian says. “I eat and I pay my phone bill and I refill my MetroCard, and anything I have left over goes toward credit card debt and paying people back. I can’t afford rent.”

“Your parents are rich, though!”

“Doesn’t really affect me.”

Kurt frowns. “But couldn’t you just move back in with them? You’re only 21, tons of people live with their parents at that age.”

“My parents are assholes. We don’t speak.”

“You don’t speak to your parents?” That’s even more troubling to Kurt than the idea of Sebastian being homeless. “Did they disown you or something?” It’s hard to imagine that Sebastian’s parents hadn’t been aware of their son’s sexuality back in high school, but it’s a possibility.

“Stop being melodramatic. They didn’t disown me, they’re just assholes and they’re not worth my time.”

“So… they’d let you live with them? They’d help you, if you asked?”

“Yeah, probably.”

“But you find being homeless in New York City more appealing than asking your parents for help? What happened?”

Sebastian sighs. “A lot of things. I’ve never really been the world’s most obedient son, and after I slept with Gabby’s boyfriend--”

“Wait,” Kurt can’t help but interrupt. “You slept with your sister’s boyfriend? Seriously?”

“Tons of times. It was more of an affair, really.”

“I can’t believe you’d do that. And then brag about it.”

Sebastian laughs. “Bullshit, you know me too well to be surprised by this. And anyway, it was like two years ago. I was the one who took the blame for all of that, even though I wasn’t exactly fucking myself.”

“Just you? Not the boyfriend?”

“They’re engaged now,” Sebastian says. “If that gives you a hint.”

“Gross.”

“Very gross. And after that, and the whole underage drinking thing at school… we just can’t even talk to each other without screaming. It’s pointless to try. They want me to be something I’m not.”

Kurt takes a minute to process what he’s hearing. “So… you _could_ get help from your parents, but it would require an attempt at decorum, and you refuse?”

“Their help comes at a price,” Sebastian says. “I’m not interested. I don’t need them that badly.”

“Sebastian, you’re homeless. I’d say you need them pretty badly. Your pride isn’t really worth this, is it?”

Sebastian lets out a frustrated sigh. “I figured you’d understand this part, at least. You can’t really lecture me about pride, Kurt. You’re one of the most stubborn people I know. If your parents were holding stuff over you like mine were, you wouldn’t take their help, either.”

It’s hard for Kurt to even picture, Burt and Carole putting conditions on their support. But if they did, and Kurt thought they were unfair, maybe he would refuse their help. He can’t imagine allowing himself to become homeless just to spite his parents, though. His pride has limits.

“I guess I understand,” he admits. “I don’t think I’d go this far, though. Is what they’re asking you to do really that terrible? Maybe you could--”

“Kurt, stop. It’s not your job to fix this. It has nothing to do with you.”

“Of course it has something to do with me! You’re… well, we’re dating, which means your problems become my problems, whether you like it or not.”

Sebastian’s quiet for a long time after that. Kurt’s eyes had adjusted to the darkness long ago, but he can still only see the outline of Sebastian’s face. He really wishes he could see Sebastian’s expression, see if he’s quietly seething, sad, annoyed, touched, but Kurt has nothing to go on, no way to put the knowledge about how to deal with Sebastian’s various moods into use. Eventually, he decides to take a chance on a gentle approach.

“Sebastian?” he asks, quieter than before. He reaches out and rests his hand on Sebastian’s stomach. It’s a light touch, just a reminder that he’s here, and when Sebastian exhales underneath him, lets his body relax, Kurt knows he’s done the right thing.

It’s late and they both have to get up early, but they talk for another hour anyway, keeping their voices quiet so they don’t disturb the girls. By the end of the conversation, Kurt has a much better understanding of how someone like Sebastian could have become homeless in the first place, and how he could keep it a secret from almost everyone in his life. Sebastian had made the decision to cut himself off from his parents after a huge fight, lived off his savings for awhile, being far too careless with a limited amount of cash and maxing out credit cards, and he dropped out of school when he needed to start working for money. He’d never lived anywhere after his dorm, just bounced around the apartments and dorms of his friends and acquaintances. On nights he knew he had nowhere to stay, it was easy to go to a club and get picked up. On nights when all else failed, there were 24 hour diners he could spend a few hours at while spending a minimal amount of cash. He’d never actually resorted to sleeping on the street or in a shelter. It’s not a tragic story, and it’s pretty much all Sebastian’s fault, but Kurt still pities him.

“I’ve burned a lot of bridges with people,” Sebastian admits. “I’m not a very good houseguest, I guess. Apparently, I’m ‘irritable, arrogant, unwilling to pitch in.’ And I used to have this habit of sleeping with guys my friends liked. Or were already dating.”

Kurt huffs out a laugh. “Shocking that these things don’t endear you to people.”

“I’m trying to work on that,” Sebastian says defensively. “I’m not very good at faking things, though. It’s easy to get random guys to take me home for a night, it’s harder with people I know who actually expect stuff from me.”

“You fake things well enough here. No one minds when you stay here. Santana’s gotten pretty attached to you, actually.”

“That’s because I’m not faking anything here. I just like being here. I like _you_.”

It’s not exactly a declaration of love, but it’s the first time Sebastian’s been so blunt about his feelings for Kurt, and it’s nice to have the reassurance after tonight. So many things about their complicated relationship are starting to make more sense. “I like you, too. I like having you here.”

“I know.” Kurt knows Sebastian’s smirking, even though he can’t see it, and the two of them are quiet for moment before Kurt speaks again.

“You know you’re going to stay here now, right? If you can’t stay at Jackie’s anymore, it’s stupid to worry about finding a place to stay every night when there’s space here.”

“I don’t _worry_ about it, I--”

Kurt sighs. He’d thought Sebastian had dropped the act for tonight. “I highly doubt you never worry about where you’re going to stay. Please stop lying to me, I know this must be awful for you.”

“I worry about that sometimes, I guess,” Sebastian admits. “I have a lot of anxiety about getting the bills paid and stuff. Lately I’ve mostly been worried about you finding out.”

“You thought I’d end things?”

“That, or try and make me stay here. Which is exactly what you’re doing.”

Kurt frowns. “Why is that a bad thing? You’re here so much anyway, and no one minds. I think you’ll be able to save a little bit of money if you’re staying here and not eating out as much-”

“Kurt, excuse this gross romanticism, but you are the only good thing that’s happened to me in years, okay? I’m not moving in here and fucking that up. I’d rather have this than a guaranteed place to stay.”

The admission makes Kurt smile and cuddle in closer to Sebastian, but he’s still confused about what Sebastian means. “I don’t understand why you think you can’t have both.”

Sebastian sighs, but doesn’t pull away. “If I live here, I’m indebted to you. If breaking up with you means I have no place to stay, I’ll never do it, even if I want to. And you’ll never break up with me if it means kicking me out. We might be miserable.”

“We might not be,” Kurt counters. It’s obvious Sebastian has spent a lot of time thinking about this, and it feels a little unfair that he’s trying to come up with an argument on the fly. “But if that happens… if we break up, I wouldn’t leave you without a place to stay. I have friends, Santana and Rachel have friends… Blaine and Sam live in in the city, too. We’ll figure something out. We don’t need to keep dating if we don’t want to, but it shouldn’t be a choice between that and not having a place to stay. Please say you’ll stay here, at least for now?”

It’s not a solution to Sebastian’s problem. Kurt knows that. There is no easy fix to trying to pay off thousands of dollars of debt with hardly any income, or trying to get a better job with no relevant experience and no college degree. Kurt can’t make those things disappear, can’t lend Sebastian money he doesn’t have or force a reconciliation with his parents, but he can offer support. Kurt wouldn’t be where he was without loving parents and loving friends sharing the burden. Sebastian’s isolation might be mostly his own doing, but making some mistakes shouldn’t doom him to be left alone forever. Kurt can’t even imagine what it must be like, trying to navigate life without any sort of safety net.

“You’ll stay here, right?” Kurt asks again when Sebastian doesn’t answer, but what he’s really asking is for Sebastian to accept his support, allow Kurt to help him carry some of this weight. “I’ll be worrying about you all the time if you don’t. I’ll talk to Rachel and Santana tomorrow, but I know they’ll be okay with it. And after you get out of work we can go to Jackie’s place and grab the rest of your stuff, and--”

“ _We’ll_ talk to Rachel and Santana,” Sebastian interrupts. “You don’t need to speak for me.”

Kurt sighs in relief, knowing that it’s as close to a ‘yes’ as he’s going to get out of Sebastian. “We’ll both talk to them,” he agrees, and Sebastian is leaning over him before he’s even finished the sentence, pressing his lips softly against Kurt’s, and Kurt knows that’s his thank you. He also knows they’re about to start a new journey together that likely won’t end like a fairy tale with both of them happily together and independently wealthy. Sebastian’s difficult and stubborn, and their relationship is new and untested, but Sebastian’s wrapping an arm around Kurt, pulling him close, just like all the nights he’s stayed here before. Their already messy relationship has just gotten even messier, but Sebastian likes Kurt. He’s going to stay.

For now, that’s enough.


End file.
